"The Gremlin in My Head"

“Some days are harder than others, but I have been told a person is not measured by what she has achieved but by what she has overcome.”

[“The Measure of Success”
– AAGrapevine]

Dragging my feet
in the muck of deceit
my defects screaming loud
my head in a dark cloud
of the lies of my thinkings
grateful today that the solution
lies not in drinkings
instead on my knees in a prayer
“God help me today
to stay in Your will,
and in the moment,
and to remember to breathe,
and above all God, for this day
not to think, think, think.
(A Poem by: Louise Warren)

i love being sober. i could not imagine living the life that i once did
not so long ago however,
there are days that i remember why i drank… today is one of those days.
the last week,
has been one of those weeks,
And the problem: me,
everytime.

by God’s grace alone,
i also remember what happened everytime i drank:
how and where i ended up.
i ended up in the dark, broken
into tiny pieces,
everytime.

i feel defeated today, this week.
self-defeated.

the blessings:
i have God.
and i have this divinely inspired program of AA which is full of tools
and beautiful souls that posses solutions and comfort and joy
that alchohol and substances
just could not,
and never will, touch.

although i feel defeated
and small
and not good enough:
(those feelings, those lies
that my addiction screams at me),

i feel grateful & hopeful for,
now i can walk THROUGH
the darkness instead of staying stuck
on the edge between
darkness (Despair)
and light (Joy).
Today is a great day to be sober.

#sobrietyrocks
#stayprayedup
#dontdrinkorusenomatterwhat
#wherethereisbreaththereishope
#achairiswaiting
#32monthssober